I Stand corrected

Its good to know there's someone out there who understands my motivations in studying.

had a skype videochat with dad a while ago. He suddenly asked hows my studies.

Honestly? with mom i cant say enough words to make her frustrated again, but with dad?
He simply understands.


"It's not getting any good dad.." that's what i told him at least. thought he had seen the slightest sigh i let out.
"..it's not getting any worse either. don't worry dad." true that.

Well technically, I'm in the average progress of improvement compared last term (in which i didn't fail a subject for that matter i got a lowest of 2.75 - and a GWA that can almost kill a hummingbird).

I haven't told mom about it. For all i know it wasn't something to brag about. Well you see, they don't really understand how hard it is to study in Mapua. A survival to the fittest it is. but that cant prove any matter for them knowing every student in the college level could pass a subject if they can study enough to win it.

Ha! they don't really know that much at all. Yes, it could be true but in my school? its 3x out of the hell difficulty. but to myself? I am really proud of what i had achieved last term. I had Studied BIGTIME and i doubled my efforts, initiative and full devotion on it.

I even bought something that i want last month, a gift to myself for studying hard. To them it wouldn't change anything at all but to me? it was a blessing. I even donate half of my allowance and attended a big mass on St. Jude (a church in mendiola-legarda, where every thursday i hear novena masses) with my school buddies.

However, I had accepted the fact that the only person that could understand me is me. but tonight, i had proved myself wrong.

There's still one person in this world who could see my full motivation in studying. 

Dad.

Even if were torn apart by distance he still manage to give me the comfort i need at times when i really most need it.

"I can see that you wanted to graduate really fast as possible but don't be, because when i was studying there a full unit subjects is soo much to bear in that moment i couldn't think of any possible way to pass it all so there, i fail a few of them.. hehehe.."  he even make fun at his failed subjects but that didn't make me laugh, instead i'd cried.

Now i know I'm not alone in this world.
I love you dad! Someday I'm gonna make you proud. PROMISE.

It will be all worthwhile.

I don't belong in the world full of strangers. I find it hard to see the reality in each individual. I'ts like the universe is their own playground and you need to play along for you to matter.

I wanna Matter. but i'm not that strong.

I cry every time my flaws conceals the whole me, and then i lose. But its not losing that scares me most, but the chance that i lost. That unpredictable element in happenings that even without assignable cause opens up to you freely. That - what i missed.

Imagine how a small fear and insecurity can eat up every chance that will come along. This madness has taught me something clandestinely life changing.

"Everyday is a battle. you fight for your own self  to survive."


If i will not man up and face that big playground. I will not learn how to live. Even in the smallest fragments of my dreams will always be shaded dark. I will always cry, shaking and scared. I will always be small and worth crap to those strangers.

Its hard to find your strength specially when you don't know to where you will look at.

Start with yourself. you'll see enormous things your good at. Then you will matter. Not just to every individual but to the whole world.

The truth has no agenda

I sometimes fail to prove myself to people. But for some reasons i am truly frustrated of that fact that even myself cant handle such pressure. Self-Identity crisis? No. I am more than just confused on how in the world will i stand out from those competitive silhouettes? But one thing i know, is that I CAN. and believe me I WILL. 

Even if I'm the only person who believes in my true capabilities. I will show what i can offer in that table.

I may be small but I know I can think big.

The only person that knows your true Strenght is Yourself. Even if Failure pulls you down. Don't ever think yourr appalling. Consternation doesn't mean ignorance. Always remember that losing is winning. You gain experience and lessons that will make you much more stronger. Strong enough that even Words, People and Situation can't truncate you through. People always start from nothing.

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fashion dreamer ♥: Just Hug Me Tightly: Dzisiaj było już na prawdę baaardzo ciepło (23 stopni !!! ). Nawet w tym swetrze było mi bardzo gorąco. Publish PostLecz jak to w Polsce pogoda zmienną ...